“If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort.”
Excerpted from “Alcoholics Anonymous,” Chapter 2: “There Is A Solution.”
My name is Frater Vajra, and I am an alcoholic. Continue reading
Throughout my life, whenever I have made some kind of spiritual breakthrough and stood on the precipice of entering a new phase, there has typically been a trial, a test of principles in which I am challenged to demonstrate the willingness to act on the wisdom or new understanding that I have gained. Continue reading
I left California the day after Anna’s birthday/Pagan Pride ritual and landed late that evening in Albuquerque. Between Hekate bringing such synchronicity to me over the weekend, Sekhmet seizing upon Anna repeatedly in rehearsals for the ritual and the Wyrd unfolding in the correspondence between Anna and I, we were both pretty sure that the ritual would have potent and far-reaching effects. The symbolism of the ritual was centered heavily upon the element of water in its capacity to bring healing, and it was the intention of all present to focus upon that and bring it into manifestation on a large scale. It certainly didn’t hurt that it was taking place in the wake of such a fantastic Grand Water Trine. Continue reading
I had always loved Northern California, having lived there during my early adolescence. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly why, other than to wax New Agey and just say that I love the energy there. In Santa Rosa, in particular, I loved the pervasive plant aromas to be enjoyed, such as eucalyptus. Unfortunately, my return to Santa Rosa was marred by my father’s deep disappointment in me for deciding against going back to school so that I could save up to go and work with Michael in Albuquerque instead.
The potent energies surrounding what I still refer to as “The Saturn Ritual” that were the focus of Part III took me a while to integrate. It had not occurred to me at the time, but the symbolic ritual “sacrifice” of a past self and its outmoded tendencies toward constriction and fear would prove to call forth, as a matter of course, the germination of a new personhood, and the dawning of that new life would begin to show itself in some rather unexpected ways in the coming weeks.
Not long after the ritual, I finally set out for California, accompanied and greatly aided by my friend C, who had also been so crucial to the ceremony’s success. A vehicle was rented and a course charted from Chicago to Santa Rosa, California that would, rather auspiciously, take us through my birth place of Denver, Colorado. Continue reading
Just prior to leaving for California, I spent a three-day weekend visiting some friends who live on the grounds at the Theosophical Society headquarters. Some heartbreaking drama unfolded that involved my soon-to-be-ex-wife, and the need to clear the air was palpable. This was not “let’s have a good cry” material. This needed to be more visceral than that, more primal. Fixing this required going to deep, dark places. It called for swallowing my pride, ignoring the hungry ghosts and venturing down to sweep up the cellar. Underworld work.
For a number of months after performing my self-initiation ritual, not much seemed to change. I remained committed to finding ways to expand the scope of my existing magickal practice. I stayed keen for messages from totem spirits. I reflected back on that morning when I felt Hekate’s touch overshadowing me, simultaneously beckoning and reassuring me to take my time. I knew nothing about this mysterious goddess and attempted several times to research Her, but I honestly found what material I was able to dredge up online at the time to be impenetrable—very difficult to make sense of. A lot of it seemed contradictory and I had little success sorting it out. I shelved that idea. (Oddly, when I tried researching Her again months later, suddenly, I found a lot more material to work with. Perhaps Hekate Herself, in Her aspect of Erodia, was holding closed the gates to further knowledge for a time? Who knows?) Continue reading